July 10, 2009
I was just sitting here feeling super negative for some reason. You know when you get on your own nerves? So I came online to see what was going on to take my mind off of whatever is going on.
I found this video by Brother David Steindl-Rast. I have become a big fan of his in the past year. This kind of snapped me out of it a little, which a lot of times is all I need.
So I thought I would share.
ENJOY! and HAPPY FRIDAY!
June 22, 2009
I’m here. It’s been awhile. Life has been good.
My Buddhist studies have been going well. I am learning so much about myself through the path. My times in meditation have become deeper and it still all feels familiar.
I have gotten away from writing lately, but it had a lot to do with my therapy. I ama in the middle of some deep crap so some things kind of fell to the wayside. I’m back into it now…the writing I mean.
Wow…this was kind of a lame entry, but I think that’s all I have for now.
May 20, 2009
I saw this on our local news this morning and thought I should post a link to her page. I have nothing else to say about this, there just aren’t any words at all for this.
Little warning that the pics aren’t very nice to look at.
April 27, 2009
Did you ever feel like you were on the verge of something huge? Like the way you were going was not quite right and you were finally realizing that?
I lost my job last Wednesday and I panicked for about 15 minutes until Mike and I talked about it. And you know what? It’s totally fine.
I think I have been on the wrong path career wise and now it’s time to sit back for a little bit, get my bearings again, and then totally change course. The more I think about it, the more I know this is a wonderful thing.
It has been confirmed by a couple people who’s opinion I trust as well. And during my meditation times since then, I have actually looking for the stress inside to make sure I wasn’t compartmentalizing it and it’s just not there.
Instead I find peace and strangely, excitement.
April 16, 2009
After much procrastination I have finally started to do it.
I am in the middle of the first chapter of my book.
Wish me luck!
April 8, 2009
I found this a few months ago and I stumbled on it today. I really needed to hear this again.
It truly is something to be listened to every day.
April 7, 2009
This has been a rough couple of weeks. I have had to admit that I have been having more depression issues than I was willing to let on. I really haven’t been feeling well since January, and it kind of blew up in my face a couple weeks ago.
Mike went to a therapy session with me to get some of it settled and now my therapist is recommending that I go back to two sessions a week. I would be willing to go to five a week at this point to get me over this hump. Of course I am dealing with my insurance company to let me have that many visits. I went from having 60 per calendar year last year to 20 this year. My therapist is calling them this week to see what she can do.
It’s funny that I have unlimited regular doctor visits but when it comes to mental health there is a limit on care.
UMMM yeah.
It hasn’t been all bad, I have been writing more; two pieces that I wrote have been posted here. I have quite a few more in my journal.
Mike and I have gotten a little closer during this time too. I have realized that I need to more honest with him and those around me about my recovery or they can’t help. I thought I had broken through all of this keeping secrets crap that my parent were SO adept at doing and taught us how to do.
I haven’t had much contact with my Mom recently because I just don’t think it’s healthy right now. Mike has taken up going over there and talking to her on the phone, which I really appreciate. Funny thing is that i checked my blood pressure on Sunday and it was the lowest it has ever been.
Gee…I wonder if there is a correlation.
I don’t really have much contact at all anymore with my family other than my niece and my ex sister-in-law, and I truly don’t miss it much. The more I am in therapy and the more I remember about growing up, the more I realize what a sick group of people they are. It’s just not something that I want or need to be a part of. Sometimes I think Mike and I should pack up Rocky and go live in the woods up in New Hampshire, which is a place that both he and I love.
Maybe someday.
March 30, 2009
My mind is like a March tree in the fog.
Its display of life is obscured by the cold, wet clouds clinging to the ground.
Thoughts land on the bare branches like birds looking for a place to rest but finding none.
The tree is reaching towards the gray, featureless sky with gnarled, crippled hands.
Eventually the sun will rise and burn away the fog and the world is seen clearly again.
The buds on the branches can be made out as they struggle to burst forth with life.
Thoughts and birds have sought out shelter elsewhere and left this tree quiet and living.
After a time, the tree that is my mind will be full of life again.
The wind of life will blow through its leaves like the sound of gods, calling travelers to sit in its shade and cool comfort.
Once the tree awakens, it will never sleep again.
